Feels a bit too cheesy for me, maybe try experimenting a bit more. It's not horrible, but if you'd want to really creep someone out, throwing everything at once at someone isn't really the greatest way to do it, sure you'll give 'em a few minutes of the heebie jeebies, but that's about it. I do see plenty of potential here, just try experimenting with it. A suggestion would may be to add some paul stretching. It's kind of a cheap tactic, but it really helps in the uncomfortable feeling.